The AFCP Times : January Edition 2010

Editor and Jounalist : Abhilasha Dafria
Correspondent : Abdul Moiz

We may be late, but here we are! With yet another edition of The AFCP Times Season Six. New League, New people, New Articles. But the same old paper, the one that makes shit look gold!

January Transfer Window

Amey becomes a hero by rejecting the zeroes [Freebie-Highbury Heroes]
By ‘I wanted to be a hero not a roadrunner’

Amey Kelkar, the much talked about Ohio striker in a stunning and for some ‘heart-breaking’ move joined newbies Highbury Heroes for a huge sum of money. Amey who was termed as a very impolite and insensitive man by Abhilasha Dafria last season due to his constant quietude towards her approaches was thought by journalist legend Abdul Moiz as ‘the most polite man alive’.
Whatever the case maybe, it seems that Amey, who was more interested in watching Belgium League football when Abhilasha had approached him has had a change of heart, when the amount of Zimbabwean dollars offered by Gunrunners matched by HH in pounds. Although Amey’s biggest fan and vice-captain of Goonraiders disagrees.
“It cant be possible that Amey went for money” said Moiz “he must have liked the polite approach of Highbury Heroes. You see, the lady wasn’t patient enough with him and when you don’t have the money you got to have the patience.”
When we approached Abhilasha, she first refused to comment, however on constant persuasion she held a press conference early this Tuesday morning.
Ms Dafria said “What is my mistake? That I asked him to join my club? It was only a professional move. Why does the media make it sound like I asked him out for coffee?”
She continued in a sorry voice “ See, I am responsible to my team and team mates. I have a wonderful club. We all respect one another. When the media keeps quoting how Amey Kelkar refused to join my club, it is indirectly an insult to the ones who strive hard for this team. My team mates never questioned me on AK. I told them, I tried. And that I failed. It didn’t matter to them. We are and will be a complete team, and yes, I will tap the biggest names of the Gooner World. Amey is just one of them.”
So why is the cold war between the two of you?

“There is no cold war. I respect Amey Kelkar. I think he’s pure talent and intelligence. I liked him and so I approached him. What he did, I thought, was unprofessional. I didn’t mind his not joining, I just thought I was worthy of a spoken ‘NO’. But that doesnot make me diss him. I see him as competition, and I welcome him to the league.”
Abhilasha breathed heavily and continued saying “ I, and on behalf of Amey Kelkar too, genuinely request the media to stop making gossips out of this story. It has been exploited enough and now its been taken to a different page altogether. We have had enough of this already, whatever is between us, we will sort it, professionally and personally.”

It remains to be seen whether the man who is consulted by Monsieur Wenger before signing a player can himself do well on the pitch or no.It maybe that his quality be the same as the leagues he watches most often, you know the standard of African Leagues don’t you?

As for the lady’s request, The AFCP Times has considered the plea of the community’s Most Pampered Member (as voted in the community poll-Dec’09) and we hereby end the season-long-stretched controversy. The AFCP Times, in a way, is grateful to controversy’s own child and to Mr. Politically-correct, because a story on them in any edition, always reaped profits.
But its time, we say RIP to this epic saga! Case closed.

Me says: Will it take Doom Metal or Star Wars to break the ice between these two, that even Global warming couldn’t?.

Nitish raids the raiders[freebie-Goonraiders]
By “Season of the Goonraiders”

You may not know this but Nitish Thakur may not even be a human being,he may be a virus unleashed by the team to torture fellow rivals with his constant bickering and cruel to the eyes posts.This gets mostly proven by the constant interviews in which he just says ‘Season of the Goonraiders’ and then disappears.It is further proved when this boasting comes after a defeat.Surely,a humanbeing can be that machine-like.
Anyways,Nitish Thakur was signed by Goonraiders sighting to his excellent performances in a World something event where his teams went to the finals and got owned by a certain CP member’s team.It was these performances which made Goonraiders sign him up.His contract and transfer details were not shared saying that its better kept untold.Our resources though tell us that Nitish plays on an pay as you irritate contract and seemingly is earning loads through it too.
Goonraiders have been missing key players and Nitish has become an integral part of the team this season but does him being an integral part of the team will bring success?Only time can tell that!

Me says:Its better if Goonraiders lose soon enough or atleast I would have my ears cut so that I cant hear Asjad-II anymore!


Vipin runs to Gunrunners[freebie-‘Led by Lady’ Runners]
By “Never are you going to see me here again”

Vipin, a highly respected man in the region may have dented his reputation a bit by joining an all star-no result team. It was thought that Vipin, who played central Forward, for IIM-L has more love for the game rather than stardom, photo shoots and no performances on the pitch and so it is surprising to see him choose just that. Gunrunners have recently signed all the big names who hadn’t joined the game yet and all the credit for the flop signings goes to chief-executive Abhilasha Dafria. Gunrunners have come under heavy criticism in recent weeks over signings of non-existent players who do smile a lot after signing for the club but then don’t even hit the screens once after that, but has Abhilasha ever listened to anyone? A certain ‘No’ would be the answer. In her search for finding the right man she has signed about 12 to 13 stars showering them with millions of Zimbabwean dollars just to make them smile and sign the contract.

This may well be the difference between her missing out on the politest people to have graced the Earth and to sign only those who have so much attitude that they don’t even appear on the pitch due to dictatorship problems with the referee.

Me says: Why?Why write an article at all?This may well be his first and last mention in the game.

In No Shishir’s Land
(By “Im Your illegimite son, you are my illegimite father”
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Well,last but not the least.Highbury heroes have somewhat kept the legacy of The Pirates of the Emirates going. After replacing the thieves, the heroes marked a number of zeroes on their portfolio right away. They firstly signed a Munna and then made him captain, a double mistake which proved to boil a huge controversy in the League. Munna came on a self-settled amount of money from Evolutionary Gunners and it is said that EG are utilizing all of that money in trying to make a device which would let Fazal be motivated for the whole season.
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Anyways,the controversy’s main protagonist include Munna the kid himself, Shishir-the runaway Pistolite and ‘ever present to praise Ade’ ,the misfiring pistolite captain Asjad Saleemi. The story starts when Shishir fires himself into a Hero outfit thereby fulfilling the promise he made to his gf of becoming a hero one day but this fulfilment of his promise let Rahul and Asjad fuming. One reason, the one everyone thinks, is that Shishir went to HH on a free where Asjad hadn’t even put him for sale.
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The other, which is a conspiracy theory, tells that Asjad’s bet that he would never let anyone become a hero by jinxing them was lost and for which his gf kicked him in the guts, leaving a depressed Asjad resorting to drugs.Whatever be the case, Shishir played a match for Highbury Heroes putting 5 past an innocent Goonraiders team. Asjad who was assumingly asleep before all this leapt like, or tried to leap like, a lion but in the end only could roar as always. He told the media that Shishir was still a Pistolite and that he would never ever allow a Pistolite to score 5 for anyone be it for his own team.
This resulted in a number of serious allegations against both Shishir and Munna, where CP blamed HH to not have paid ‘em, who blamed EG to have extracted money from ‘em, who blamed CP for unable to extract money from ‘em. Amidst this Shishir came out defending both the sides as he was unsure where would he land eventually and the smartest shit to do was to be diplomatically correct. (This is what Amey Kelkar can do to his team.)
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Later, Paul and co gave the judgement, on mutual consent that Shishir wasn’t transferred to HH at all , and so Asjad was ..well pinned more and more by his ex-gf. The biggest winner though, was the crowd who saw it all unfolding and the icing on the cake was when even Santiago-a young HH player had a go at his captain-Munna by accusing him of not even listening to his advice. On this Munna told him to change his nappy and move on.
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Me says: We don’t make THE AFCP TIMES , you guys do.

The Legend of Oursenal PC continues...
In a takeover story that would put Takshin Shinawatra to shame, this month we make a special and well-earned mention of Sahil, a former poll magnet, who has successfully taken over the formerly bankrupt Oursenal PC.
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Historically, one of the first AFCPL clubs to be created, Oursenal PC enjoyed some good seasons, but, with their golden generation gone, including the founding member Rubin, found themselves in dire straights last season, when Sahil, formerly seen mostly in the
remotely visited Poll Approval topic, decided to take over the reigns and also took over the position of deemed-CEO of the AFCPL league.
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Sahil who was seen sulking over his team's ill performance in the previous editions has single handedly reinvented his club that looked to fall to pieces erstwhile. From tapping potential players, to building the new oursenal Pc stadium to becoming an active member in the FIFA-AFCP Organisation, this man has done it all. Tapping in a great defensive midfielder in Srinivas and a good striker in the likes of Anuj, speaks of the man great management skills.
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" Tapping good players for peanuts and to build a stadium out of nothing, its tremendous" commented Saumeet of Wengaboys " but what is truly great is his sense of responsibility in taking over the Table and Results responsibility of the league"
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The AFCP Times takes pride in the image of being a paper that takes digs at the league players. However, we clarify, we have our share of fun, but we do applaud the effort of those who make this league the best in the Football world. On behalf of 4553, including the league players, we praise the sincerity and contribution of Sahil to the
league.
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Me says: Keep it up son! Its gooners like you who make this place what
it is.

Santiago on board captain!
It takes us immense pleasure to announce that Harish, popularly known as Santiago has been appointed as the new HOD :Technical Dept of The AFCP Times. It takes a lot of courage, commitment and caliber to be a part of, undoubtedly, the biggest paper of the journalism world.
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By far, the entire paper execution laid on the shoulders of Abhilasha Dafria and Abdul Moiz who are very discrete about their modus operandi and thus very particular about who has could join in.
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"It takes a lot of effort " said the young journalist Moiz who has been hushing between school and AFCP office, " You see, what you get is the final report in the form of pages, and not everyone understands the kind of effort it takes... there is a given set of steps we take before we publish a controversy or take down an interview or put
across an article.."
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He further explained saying " The steps include, Identifying and Defining the Article subject, Extensive literature survey, formulating the hypothesis, interview design, design a questionnaire, design a sample, collection of data, organization of data, analysis and interpretation of data, testing of hypothesis, preparing the article
report with preliminary contents, main text, concluding text, and finally the follow-up of the article"
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And just as tough it sounds, as exciting it is. "ofcourse!" said Abhilasha " I mean,other than being the highest paid job in the world, its actually a very fun thing to do. We have about 1 lakh applications each year for enrollment in the AFCP office"
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So how did Santiago make it out of the 1 lakh desperate applicants? "Impeccable resume" recalled Ms.Dafria "though it was very tough for him as well. He had to go through umpteen number of written tests, psychometric tests, vivas, interviews... before he took the ethical neutrality oath. He emerged out victorious and showed the vigor and vision to fit into our techie dept. Im glad to have talent like him on
board"

It is supposed that Santiago has signed in as a trainee for the first season with a pay-cheque of 12 lakh Zimbabwean Dollars with about double the salary next season onwards. He is also believed to have a time-schedule of 9am-11 pm each working day with overtime on match days. He is also entitled for one holiday each month, leave allowance, rent, lunch coupons, traveling allowance and 6 months of maternity
leave.
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"Its the best job ever! Im on cloud 9!! Ill give it all that it takes to raise the flag of AFCP Times high!" commented Santiago, his eyes filled with tears of joy.
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Me says : Wilkommen! But Remember with big names, come shitter responsibilities.